If you are married, this means we should be serving our spouse. Okay, so “serve my spouse”… what does that mean? How do I do it?

I have my own ideas, but today I want to share some examples from some guys who’ve been married much longer than me.

–”I make the bed every morning, and fix dinner once a week. It’s not Mother Teresa stuff, but you gotta start somewhere.” —John Ortberg, pastor and author, married to Nancy for 22 years

–”Jesus served his followers by washing their feet. In his culture that was the job of a servant. I asked my wife and she had no desire for me to wash her feet, but she had a lot of other good ideas, such as: take out the garbage, vacuum the floors, wash the dishes, dust the blinds, and keep the lawn looking nice. I followed Jesus’ example, and I live with a happy woman.” —Gary D. Chapman, marriage and family expert, married to Karolyn for 43 years

–”It may seem a small thing, but Dianna and I have gotten into the habit of always asking the other if we need anything when we’re up. Just grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge or putting a dish in the sink is an act of servanthood that allows ‘preferring others over yourself’ to begin at home.” —Jerry B. Jenkins, best-selling novelist, married to Dianna for 34 years

–”To really serve my mate, I need to ‘go to school’ and study her as if in pursuit of a Ph.D. In my case, it’s ‘Beckology,’ and I have to know her like no other on the planet. I have to tune in to her feelings, her fears, and her dreams. Only then can I serve her as Christ served the church.” —H. Dale Burke, pastor and author, married to Becky for 30 years

So let me get some comments. How do YOU serve your spouse?

On Sunday mornings, I teach a bible study to a group of married couples. Our class is called Marriage Matters. They are a wonderful group of people who faithfully attend to learn more about their relationship with Christ and with their spouse.

For the last couple of years, I’ve issued a Valentine’s Challenge. We alternate challenging the husbands and wives. Here’s the premise:

Do something extra special for your spouse for Valentine’s Day. It has to be special enough for your spouse to send me an email with the details (G rated, of course!). My wife and I take all of the emails, compare them and determine a winner.

Sounds easy, enough right? It has been a joy to see husbands and wives get outside of their comfort zone and do something fun & exciting for Valentine’s Day. Flowers & candy won’t get the prize. Neither will a mushy card. Here are some examples (and winners):

A husband went through the photo albums of previous vacations. He selected several photos and made a slideshow for each vacation. Then over the course of several nights leading up to Valentines, he prepared a meal centered around an enjoyable meal from the vacation. While eating, they watched the slideshow on the TV and reminisced about the vacation. So while they were eating steak, they talked about the great steak they had in New York several years ago and looked at pictures from their time in New York. Fun, huh?

One husband started 26 days before Valentine’s Day and gave his wife a handwritten note each day using a letter from the alphabet. A for adore, B for Beautiful, etc. No money spent, but the wife was ABSOLUTELY blown away. This husband was not a “writer” by nature. He went outside of his comfort zone and that decision benefited his marriage.

So today is Thursday, February 12. You only have tomorrow & Saturday. But I want to encourage you to get outside of your comfort zone and do something extraordinary for your spouse.

Also, I’d like more examples. What have you done, or heard about, that was extra special on Valentine’s Day?

But marriages can only grow in intimacy and flourish when we give and receive forgiveness for the offenses that hurt unity.

Every offense that is not forgiven drives a wedge into the oneness of marriage.

And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Col 3:12-15

Have you ever had to “bear with one another”?

If you are married you do it everyday. Right?

Bearing with one another is essentially the proper response to unintended offenses. Sure, it may hurt. Sure it may sting. But if your spouse didn’t intend to hurt you, can you really build a wall around that situation?

Forgiveness is the harder work. It should be the response to intentional offenses. If your spouse does something, or says something on purpose, then they will need to fess up and ask for forgiveness. When they do, your proper response should be to forgive.

Why do you need to forgive?

How can I imply that it should be your “proper” response?

Look what Paul says, “Just as the Lord forgave you, so should you.”

Forgiveness is possible when we look at it through the lens of Christ and His forgiving work at the cross. He died for the penalty of our sins!

So shouldn’t we also forgive? Isn’t that the least we can do?

Every offense that is not forgiven drives a wedge into the oneness of marriage.

Let’s get in the habit of forgiveness with our spouses. With it, we have the ability to create intimacy and transparency. Without it, we build walls and cause unnecessary hurts that are not easily repaired.

Portions of this material were originally written by Tommy Nelson in The Power of Two. The bible passage is from the NASB.

How did it make you feel?

I know for me it is awesome. I’m on cloud nine for the rest of the day. My chest bows up a little bit and I walk in confidence knowing my wife loves me enough to express it verbally in public. Oh, yea!

How about you? When was the last time you praised your spouse in public? Been that long, eh?

Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying: “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all.” Proverbs 31:28-29

My wife is a gift from God. She was made to compliment and complete me, as I am to her. She’s to be treasured and cherished. She should be praised in public and private.

I’ve been so encouraged by following Michael Hyatt on twitter. I don’t know him or his wife Gail personally, but I know he loves her very much. His love is expressed in words and deeds seen through 140 characters on twitter. He praises her publically as often as possible. My favorite tweet from him was something like, “I’m out with my girlfriend, shopping for my wife. Fortunately, they are one and the same!” Very cool.

So what stops us from expressing our appreciation to our spouse more? Is it pride? Selfishness? Whatever it is, you need to pray and ask God for the right time and the right place to share your appreciation. Then just do it. Make it a habit. If you do, I promise your marriage will be better.

And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27

God created us in His own image. He formed us in the likeness of Him. We are His creation. He could have created us from dust. But He chose to make us in His image and likeness. Powerful!

Thinking along those lines, God created my wife in His image. She is His creation. He could have formed her out of dust, but He chose to make her in His likeness. Wow!

So If your spouse was created in God’s image, how should that effect the way you treat her/him?

As I stood there teaching, I started mentally recounting past conversations, past judgements, past hurts that I have caused…

Knowing she was made in God’s image, I should treat her with the highest respect. With honor. With dignity. There are so many things that I would never do or say TO God, but casually do or say to my wife (who was made in His image).

Father, forgive me for going astray and taking my wife and marriage for granted. Help me to see her in Your image. Lord please give me eyes to see her the way You do. Amen.

What could possibly go wrong in a marriage to make someone go from love to hate? How could someone’s heart change so drastically?

As David and Michal begin their marriage, Michal “loved him.”

When Saul saw and knew that the Lord was with David, and that Michal, Saul’s daughter, loved him. 1 Sam 18:28

After a rocky relationship and at one of the highest points in David’s life, Michal “despised him in her heart.”

Then it happened as the ark of the Lord came into the city of David that Michal the daughter of Saul looked out of the window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord; and she despised him in her heart. 2 Sam 6:16

No one goes into a marriage thinking it will end this way.

But time and time again, it goes from good to bad to worse and then divorce.

Why?

What can be done to keep us from turning love into hate?

Father I pray for my marriage. I realize that it is only through the love You have shown us that we are able to love each other. Help us to love each other in spite of our faults, our sinful natures and our selfishness. In Jesus name, Amen.

But Job lost it all. In the blink of an eye, he lost it all.

Job’s wife lost is all too. She undoubtedly suffered intense heartbreak and pain right along side of her husband. In v. 2:9 she tells Job to “curse God and die.”

In the midst of trials, do you stand up for your spouse or cave in under the pressure?

Do you stand up strong for your spouse, or do you become part of the process of tearing him/her down?

We need to be our spouse’s biggest fan at all times!

Why is that so difficult? Why is it hard to be a positive force in your spouse’s life?

Part of the reason is that we see our spouse up close and personal. We know them better than anyone. We know the “behind the scenes” experiences.

Maybe the trial was self-inflicted. Maybe we warned them and they didn’t listen.

Before you get caught up in the details, take a step back and look at the situation from a higher perspective.

Could it be that God provided that trial for a purpose.

1 Peter 4:12 – Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing was happening to you.

So embrace the opportunity to grow your faith.

Look at it like Job did in v. 1:21-22:

And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God.

So how can we be a fan of our spouse?

1. Encourage your spouse every day. Notes, email, text, whatever is available…
2. Communicate with your spouse every day. The key word is “LISTEN”
3. Speak highly of your spouse with others. Don’t ever bad mouth your spouse in public.

What are some other ways we can encourage our spouse? Chime in…

Today I’d like to discuss a very moving story in the Bible. The story of Jairus in the Gospels rips me apart every time I read it.

Jairus is a leader of the local synagogue, likely at Capernaum. His only daughter is dying. He was waiting for Jesus to return in time to possibly help and his hope is realized as Jesus passes through again.

In Mark 5:22-23 Jairus falls at the feet of Jesus. The greek word used is Pipto which translates “falling down, throw oneself to the ground” as a sign of devotion. Jesus was his last resort.

This very prominent synagogue leader has humbled himself before the very simply attired Jesus.

No one is above Christ. No one has enough money or power to go beyond the need for Jesus.

In Mark 5:23 Jairus says, “My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.”

The story goes on from there and eventually the daughter of Jairus dies. But Jesus says she is simply asleep and in verse 42 Jesus commands the girl to “…arise” and she does.

But I’d like to go back and look at a directive from Jesus:

…”Do not be afraid any longer, only believe.” Mark 5:36

Jairus was freaking out. He had been waiting for Jesus to pass through and upon seeing him with the multitude he makes a b-line for Jesus. He needs Jesus to act fast, but Jesus does not. Jesus gets distracted (from Jairus’ point of view) with a women who has touched his garment and been healed.

Have you ever been Jairus? Desperate? Worried sick? Exhausted all of your options?

How we handle these situations says a lot about our faith. It says a lot about the development of our faith. Would you be able to stand on the Rock today?

Here are a few verses to consider:

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:18-19

I’ve been where Jairus stood. It was painful and I’m sure I did not handle it the way I would have liked. I did ask “why” and I did have fear. But God stretched me in ways I could never have done. My faith grew and saw the hand of God at work.

Thank you Lord for not leaving us on our own. But through trials You move us towards You. I’m ripped apart Lord and cling to You for life. May I “…just believe.”

“If you don’t, who will?”
“You deserve it.”
“It’s time for some ME time.”

But God’s word has something different for those who follow Christ.

Paul wrote the book of Philippians because he was concerned that people thought they were better than others. Paul saw this as a serious problem.

Philippians 2:3 – Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

I’m challenged to take myself out of the equation daily. Sometimes I can’t…most times I can’t. My flesh wants to be front and center to make sure things go my way. Can you say, “control freak?”

Part of my morning prayer each day is to ask God to remove my agenda and replace it with His plan for the day. I so desperately do not want to run around under my own power. Doing so will lead me astray and end up as a wasted effort. But under His control and His road map, I can find my way and accomplish His will.

Lord may you pour your grace and mercy upon me today and take my selfishness away. Selflessness is my cry, Oh God.